Wandering where you will

New Blog

2010-11-18T17:47:00.005+01:00

I'm defecting to the dark side. Tumblr, that is.

Come see me there: http://returningtosilence.tumblr.com/

Storm

2010-11-16T23:45:00.002+01:00

..all things have disappeared from me,
I can only recognize the sky:

Blanketed by darkness and bathed by light
I lie flat beneath it
the way plains lie;
my eyes are open like ponds,
and the same flying
flees in them...

Rilke

This you never told me about

2010-09-01T00:40:00.006+02:00

You wanted silence itself;
just the word.

Come on up to the house

2010-08-27T22:23:00.003+02:00

Scenic World

2010-08-02T15:20:00.002+02:00

The lights go on
The lights go off
When things don't feel right
I lie down like a tired dog
Licking his wounds in the shade

When I feel alive
I try to imagine a careless life
A scenic world where the sunsets are all
Breathtaking

Mama, here comes midnightwith the dead moon in its jaws

2010-07-25T22:03:00.002+02:00

Must be the big star about to fall
Long dark blues
Will o the wisp
The big star is falling
Through the static and distance
A farewell transmission
Listen!

The smoky walls of yesterday, and the glowing mould of fear

2010-07-24T00:00:00.003+02:00

Gonna sweep this house clean out,
gonna blow out all of the lights.
Steer her home, tonight.

A new chapter, a new perspective.

..and if she wants to see me...

2010-07-05T00:24:00.001+02:00

...you can tell her that I'm easily found.

The Curse

2010-07-02T15:33:00.002+02:00

She asks, are you cursed?
He says, I think that I'm cured.

No expectations

2010-07-01T23:34:00.002+02:00

Take me to the station

and put me on a train

I've got no expectations

to pass through here again

Once I was a rich man

and now I am so poor

but never in my sweet, short life

have I felt like this before

Your heart is like a diamond

you throw your pearls at swine

and as I watch you leaving me,

you pack my peace of mind

Our love was like the water

that splashes on a stone

Our love is like our music

it's here, and then it's gone

So take me to the airport

and put me on a plane

I've got no expectations

to pass through here again

The body burned away

2010-07-01T23:09:00.002+02:00

death as it shook you

you gave it a fool's look

you said,

I am an empty page to you

give me your hand,

give me your blood

don't misunderstand,

I once had all the words

I forgot all the words

held the binding lightning

began to burn away

we began to burn away

held the binding lightning

began to burn away

the body burns away

This bitter earth

2010-05-23T02:55:00.001+02:00

Where to start

2010-05-10T01:35:00.001+02:00

Everything comes to an end. This is inevitable, and any effort to prevent or fight this fact of life, is a waste of time. It means that you cannot rely on someone else to provide your happiness for you. In true love, there exists no ego, no self that needs nurturing or approval, no subject- or object-matter, and no fear. True love is selfless love.

Moving Zen

2010-05-10T00:34:00.000+02:00

A mind that has any form of fear
cannot have the quality of love,
sympathy, tenderness. Fear is the
destructive energy in man.

Throughout your life advance daily,
becoming more skillful than
yesterday, more skillful than today.

This is never-ending.

If you see her, say hello

2010-05-08T02:55:00.001+02:00

"And in the flush of the first few days of joy I confidently tell myself (not expecting what I'll do in three weeks only) 'no more dissipation, it's time for me to quietly watch the world and even enjoy it, first in woods like these, then just calmly walk and talk among people of the world, no booze, no drugs, no binges, no bouts with beatniks and drunks and junkies and everybody, no more I ask myself the question O why is God torturing me, that's it, be a loner, travel, talk to waiters only, in fact, in Milan, Paris, just talk to waiters, walk around, no more self-imposed agony... it's time to think and watch and keep concentrated on the fact, after all this whole surface of the world as we know it now will be covered with the silt of a billion years in time... Yay, for this, more aloneness."

- from Jack Kerouac's 'Big Sur'

It's not the 'aloneness' that bothers me. I quite like that part. In fact, I've chosen that part knowingly and willingly. Loneliness has nothing to do with how many people you surround yourself with, rather it's about your ability and willingness to communicate with others, and whether there is any sense in doing so in the first place. How I wish for someone to come and sit with me, look at me, really look at me, and not look away.. for someone to share a moment with me, for someone to be present with me. I only need one person, at times, I think I may need only one moment.

With hope of better days to come

2010-05-04T02:47:00.000+02:00

I'd like to write something insightful and uplifting concerning the frightful loneliness I feel at this moment, but I can't think of anything. Besides, you've probably got enough with your own. Whoever you are.

...

2010-04-20T00:51:00.001+02:00

Do we even exist until we are needed by someone?

In my tree

2010-04-17T02:41:00.000+02:00

I'm so light, the wind he shakes.

I'm so high, the sky I scrape.
I'm so light, I hold just one breath,

and go back to my nest.
Sleep with innocence...

5

2009-12-07T01:35:00.000+01:00

Perceiving what is right and doing it not, argues lack of courage. Courage is doing what is right.

4

2009-12-06T01:32:00.000+01:00

Zen is not a tool. It is an expression of the natural condition.

3

2009-12-04T00:02:00.002+01:00

Start with a single moment.
Lose yourself in it.
Disappear.

1 + 2

2009-12-03T01:35:00.005+01:00

In becoming a person, first you must disappear completely. Then you must rebuild - rise from the ashes. Become the person you were meant to be. Leave the darkness behind, and be on your way.

Everything comes down to time. Every moment is separate. Time is a construction of the mind. We are time.

Autumn Day

2009-10-11T00:38:00.001+02:00

Lord: it is time. The summer was immense.
Lay your shadow on the sundials
and let loose the wind in the fields.

Bid the last fruits to be full;
give them another two more southerly days,
press them to ripeness, and chase
the last sweetness into the heavy wine.

Whoever has no house now will not build one anymore.
Whoever is alone now will remain so for a long time,
will stay up, read, write long letters,
and wander the avenues, up and down,
restlessly, while the leaves are blowing.

Rainer Maria Rilke

For real

2007-12-02T02:35:00.000+01:00

Okkervil River - For Real

Some nights I thirst for real blood,
for real knives,
for real cries.

And then the flash of steel from real guns,
in real life,
really fills my mind.

Then I really miss what really did exist
when I held your throat so tight.
And I miss the bus as it swerved from us
and almost came crashing to its side.

Sometimes the blood from real cuts
feels real nice
when it's really mine.

And if you want it to be real, come over for one night,
we can really, really climb,
and those blue bridge lights might really burn most bright
while we watch that dark lake rise.

And if you really want to see
what really matters most to me,
we can just take a real short drive.

Just a drive into the dark stretch,
long stretch of night,
will really stretch this shaking mind.

And this room, unlit, unheated,
and the ceiling striped,
and the dark black blinds....

I want to know this time if you're really finally mine.
I need to know that you're not lying,
and so I want to see you tried.

And I don't want to hear you say
it shouldn't really be this way,
because I like this way just fine.

And there's nothing quite like
the blinding light when that curtain's cast aside,
and no attempt is made
to explain away
the things that really, really, really are behind.

You can't hide..

Time is not on your side

2007-12-01T21:53:00.000+01:00

By treating meditation/awareness/insight as a process, you will always distance yourself from it. It takes place immediately, it is action, you just do it. This is the most important thing you'll ever learn, in fact it is the only thing you must learn. We all try to increase our levels of knowledge; we read books, we discuss and debate and analyze things until we acquire a desirable level of intellectual understanding. But what we are doing is pushing it all in front of us, creating a division between "us", and "it". Insight exists in the present moment. Insight requires immediacy. How can you possibly prepare for insight? Where does preparation end, and insight begin? Time and the idea that improvement is gradual, creates a gap between us and what we label improvement. We will never reach it. If you want to see truth, there must be a revolution, it can not be a series of reforms. Time, improvement, reforms... these are all verbal entities. We create them out of our fear of confronting the present moment, they aren't real - they lead us astray. Fear is always verbal. Fear does not exist in the moment, it is based on experience and memory, and is played out verbally in our thoughts.

Right here, right now

2007-11-14T22:30:00.000+01:00

"No matter where we are, no matter what we do and what we face, we have to take care of this moment. That's all.

This moment is not the idea of this moment. If you see it as a concept, it becomes frozen. But the real moment is not frozen. The only thing to do is to see and deal with this moment as it is - right now, right here."

Dainin Katagiri

Sleepwalkers

2007-11-13T21:30:00.000+01:00

Copyrights soon a thing of the past?

2007-11-01T19:09:00.000+01:00

Not too long ago, Trent Reznor of the band Nine Inch Nails announced his decision to start releasing his music independently, without the "help" of record companies. Prior to that, Radiohead, pioneering the concept, released their latest album online, giving you the choice between downloading it for free or donating the amount you think they deserve for their efforts.

In my eyes, music is art. To the record companies it is first and foremost a commodity, and I, for one, would love to see the demise of this greedy and shallow business. I hope, and truly believe, this is the beginning of the end for the sort of mass-produced drivel that has dominated the music world for years and years.

Get Trent Reznor's new project here.
Get Radiohead's album here.

The most beautiful part about it, is this method ensures that the artist himself gets the full amount, instead of the 5% or so they usually get.

A different approach is taken by Mark Erelli, who offers his fans the chance to support and participate in the recording process from day one. By pre-ordering his album, you give him money towards studio-time rental and other expenses, and give him the chance to experience complete artistic freedom in the process. Kris Delmhorst has done something similar. Check it out here.

To top it off, one of my favourite bands of the past few years, Glossary, decided to give away their latest album. Do yourself a favour and check it out here.

Awesome nightfall

2007-10-27T20:44:00.000+02:00

Why do I, who broke
so completely with this world,
find in my body
still the pulsing of a heart
once dyed in blossoms' hues?

Saigyo Hoshi

This wikipedia page is a terrific guide to Japanese poetry.

That's where she'll be..

2007-10-22T06:00:00.000+02:00

I had a dream where I went to your room,
and I cut off my hand to let go of the pain.

Jim Hsieh's prints are amazing

2007-10-20T19:57:00.001+02:00

Buy them here: Thumbtack Press

Shunryu Suzuki said that

2007-10-20T05:12:00.000+02:00

Wherever you are,
you are one with the clouds
and one with the sun
and the stars you see.
You are one with everything.
That is more true than I can say,
and more true than you can hear.

No-mind

2007-10-20T05:11:00.001+02:00

Being present in every moment means to forget oneself, forget your practice, forget the moment, forget everything, to be dissolved into the moment and become one with it, transcending every notion of subject and object existing independently of eachother. This moment takes place before your mind is able to identify it, and before it can be measured and classified. If it exists in our thoughts, it has already left us.

...

2007-07-29T03:58:00.000+02:00

And the truth cannot be hid;
Somebody chose their pain,
What needn't have happened did.

I'm on a roll, I'm on a roll

2007-05-22T03:55:00.000+02:00

Problems occur only when there is change, and are thus opportunities for improvement. Everything is in constant movement, therefore, the possibility of constant improvement exists. Every problem is an opportunity.