New Blog

I'm defecting to the dark side. Tumblr, that is.

Come see me there: http://returningtosilence.tumblr.com/

Storm

..all things have disappeared from me,
I can only recognize the sky:

Blanketed by darkness and bathed by light
I lie flat beneath it
the way plains lie;
my eyes are open like ponds,
and the same flying
flees in them...

Rilke

This you never told me about

You wanted silence itself;
just the word.

Come on up to the house

Scenic World

The lights go on
The lights go off
When things don't feel right
I lie down like a tired dog
Licking his wounds in the shade

When I feel alive
I try to imagine a careless life
A scenic world where the sunsets are all
Breathtaking

Mama, here comes midnightwith the dead moon in its jaws

Must be the big star about to fall
Long dark blues
Will o the wisp
The big star is falling
Through the static and distance
A farewell transmission
Listen!

The smoky walls of yesterday, and the glowing mould of fear

Gonna sweep this house clean out,
gonna blow out all of the lights.
Steer her home, tonight.

A new chapter, a new perspective.

..and if she wants to see me...

...you can tell her that I'm easily found.

The Curse

She asks, are you cursed?
He says, I think that I'm cured.

No expectations

Take me to the station

and put me on a train

I've got no expectations

to pass through here again

Once I was a rich man

and now I am so poor

but never in my sweet, short life

have I felt like this before

Your heart is like a diamond

you throw your pearls at swine

and as I watch you leaving me,

you pack my peace of mind

Our love was like the water

that splashes on a stone

Our love is like our music

it's here, and then it's gone

So take me to the airport

and put me on a plane

I've got no expectations

to pass through here again

The body burned away

death as it shook you

you gave it a fool's look

you said,

I am an empty page to you

give me your hand,

give me your blood

don't misunderstand,

I once had all the words

I forgot all the words

held the binding lightning

began to burn away

we began to burn away

held the binding lightning

began to burn away

the body burns away

This bitter earth

Where to start

Everything comes to an end. This is inevitable, and any effort to prevent or fight this fact of life, is a waste of time. It means that you cannot rely on someone else to provide your happiness for you. In true love, there exists no ego, no self that needs nurturing or approval, no subject- or object-matter, and no fear. True love is selfless love.

Moving Zen

A mind that has any form of fear
cannot have the quality of love,
sympathy, tenderness. Fear is the
destructive energy in man.

Throughout your life advance daily,
becoming more skillful than
yesterday, more skillful than today.

This is never-ending.

If you see her, say hello

"And in the flush of the first few days of joy I confidently tell myself (not expecting what I'll do in three weeks only) 'no more dissipation, it's time for me to quietly watch the world and even enjoy it, first in woods like these, then just calmly walk and talk among people of the world, no booze, no drugs, no binges, no bouts with beatniks and drunks and junkies and everybody, no more I ask myself the question O why is God torturing me, that's it, be a loner, travel, talk to waiters only, in fact, in Milan, Paris, just talk to waiters, walk around, no more self-imposed agony... it's time to think and watch and keep concentrated on the fact, after all this whole surface of the world as we know it now will be covered with the silt of a billion years in time... Yay, for this, more aloneness."

- from Jack Kerouac's 'Big Sur'

It's not the 'aloneness' that bothers me. I quite like that part. In fact, I've chosen that part knowingly and willingly. Loneliness has nothing to do with how many people you surround yourself with, rather it's about your ability and willingness to communicate with others, and whether there is any sense in doing so in the first place. How I wish for someone to come and sit with me, look at me, really look at me, and not look away.. for someone to share a moment with me, for someone to be present with me. I only need one person, at times, I think I may need only one moment.

With hope of better days to come

I'd like to write something insightful and uplifting concerning the frightful loneliness I feel at this moment, but I can't think of anything. Besides, you've probably got enough with your own. Whoever you are.

...

Do we even exist until we are needed by someone?

In my tree

I'm so light, the wind he shakes.

I'm so high, the sky I scrape.
I'm so light, I hold just one breath,

and go back to my nest.
Sleep with innocence...