This bitter earth

Where to start

Everything comes to an end. This is inevitable, and any effort to prevent or fight this fact of life, is a waste of time. It means that you cannot rely on someone else to provide your happiness for you. In true love, there exists no ego, no self that needs nurturing or approval, no subject- or object-matter, and no fear. True love is selfless love.

Moving Zen

A mind that has any form of fear
cannot have the quality of love,
sympathy, tenderness. Fear is the
destructive energy in man.

Throughout your life advance daily,
becoming more skillful than
yesterday, more skillful than today.

This is never-ending.

If you see her, say hello

"And in the flush of the first few days of joy I confidently tell myself (not expecting what I'll do in three weeks only) 'no more dissipation, it's time for me to quietly watch the world and even enjoy it, first in woods like these, then just calmly walk and talk among people of the world, no booze, no drugs, no binges, no bouts with beatniks and drunks and junkies and everybody, no more I ask myself the question O why is God torturing me, that's it, be a loner, travel, talk to waiters only, in fact, in Milan, Paris, just talk to waiters, walk around, no more self-imposed agony... it's time to think and watch and keep concentrated on the fact, after all this whole surface of the world as we know it now will be covered with the silt of a billion years in time... Yay, for this, more aloneness."

- from Jack Kerouac's 'Big Sur'

It's not the 'aloneness' that bothers me. I quite like that part. In fact, I've chosen that part knowingly and willingly. Loneliness has nothing to do with how many people you surround yourself with, rather it's about your ability and willingness to communicate with others, and whether there is any sense in doing so in the first place. How I wish for someone to come and sit with me, look at me, really look at me, and not look away.. for someone to share a moment with me, for someone to be present with me. I only need one person, at times, I think I may need only one moment.

With hope of better days to come

I'd like to write something insightful and uplifting concerning the frightful loneliness I feel at this moment, but I can't think of anything. Besides, you've probably got enough with your own. Whoever you are.